October 13, 2009
Felony Franks - Hot Dogs sold by ex-Cons
The Way We Live Now: Doggedly. Are hot dogs the solution to our nation's unemployed ex-con crisis? No, not at all. But it's a thought. Similarly, happy ads won't restore our rotten financial institutions. But they'll make you $$$mile!!!Fella by the name of James Andrews figured he could help out ex-cons and do himself a favor in the meantime, so he opened up a hot dog joint by the name of "Felony Franks" on the West side of Chicago. Trouble is, the community's not too fond of his prison-themed decor, and Andrews finds himself in a PR pickle. The solution? For James Andrews to somehow morph into something other than a fat white man, which is what he is.
[from Wall Street Journal via Gawker, thanks Kevin ]
Posted by Cakehead at 10:49 PM | Comments (1)
October 08, 2009
Fox News: Bacon Cheese Doughnut Burger 'Sign Of The Apocalypse'
Today, Fox News host Shepard Smith let his viewers know the latest source for his outrage: the bacon cheese doughnut burger. Shep sees it as a sign of the apocalypse.
Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/07/shep-smith-outraged-by-ba_n_313304.html
[from Huffington Post]
Posted by Cakehead at 04:21 PM | Comments (0)
August 20, 2009
This is Why You're Fat
The Hurler Burger: A burger topped with Easy Cheese in a jelly donut. [TIWYF via Trout Towers]
And now a website that gives visual explanation of why obesity is rampant. It's the food you eat: tempura fried bacon, triple burgers slathered in mayo and garnished with egg AND bacon, hoagies hollowed out to maximize the amount of peanut butter, grape jelly AND POUND of BACON that can be packed in. A "Rubix Cubewich" cubes of ham, salami and cheese form this rubix cube-shaped sandwich stack. This is why you're fat. This is why you're fat the website.
Rubix Cubewich
Posted by Cakehead at 12:25 PM | Comments (1)
September 10, 2008
Cooking Show leads to Thailand's Prime Minister's Ouster
Thailand's prime minister was forced out of office yesterday after a court ruled that he broke a conflitct of interest law by hosting cooking shows on TV.
Samak, a well-known foodie and a famous TV chef, defended himself in the Constitutional Court on Monday, Sept. 8, 2008 against accusations that he broke a prohibition on private employment while in office by hosting a television cooking show.[From AP]
Posted by Cakehead at 12:38 PM | Comments (0)
August 28, 2008
Gummies Lighthouses Gone Wild
We're guessing that Mill Farms' intent was for these gummy treats to look more like lighthouses than they actually do. Gummy Lighthouse: the latest and greatest euphemism we've heard in a while.
[From Accordian Guy via Laura G.]
Posted by Cakehead at 05:27 PM | Comments (2)
May 29, 2008
Conservatives still diligent about Homeland Security threats...like Rachel Ray
Caving to pressure from the brilliant minds of the people who brought us the war in Iraq, Dunkin Donuts pulled an advertisement showing Rachel Ray wearing a scarf that looks similar to the black-and-white checkered kaffiyeh, a traditional Palestinian scarf. We're still not quite sure in what way a piece of fabric threatens our freedom or safety -- but it's yet another example where the United States is showing the world we mean business with this war we're waging on terror. We'll sleep a little better tonight knowing we're protected. But we're gonna miss the donuts that we're forced to boycott. How could Dunkin Donuts betray our nation and use a terrorist as a spokeswoman?
Posted by Cakehead at 01:19 PM | Comments (1)
April 16, 2008
Menu Suggestion: How to convince the Pope to attend your dinner
Pope's 81st Birthday Cake
Since he's already satiated his sweet tooth with a giant birthday cake, entice and make him salivate with a menu featuring tender young kid. That's the mistake made by the chef planning tonight's White House dinner in honor of Pope Benedict XVI. No kid on the menu.
As a result, the Pope did not attend the dinner. But just because the kids escaped with their lives, don't think that all baby farm animals are going to escape passage from lips to loins. Baby cows will be eaten by the five Catholic Supreme Court Justices who are among 250 guests attending the dinner.
In addition to veal, the menu includes: morel-encrusted diver scallops, spatzle, angel hair asparagus bisque, white truffle-potato dumplings, carrots and mushrooms, lettuces and candied pumpkin seeds, squash carpaccio, pumpkin oil vinaigrette, raspberry crisp and mint coulis.
[from Breitbart and Huffington Post]
Posted by Cakehead at 05:28 AM | Comments (0)
October 30, 2007
An Unlikely Camouflage: Beverage Vending Machines
photo from NY Times
If you're an attacker in Japan these days, you may wonder where all your victims are hiding. It's likely that they're in camouflage, hiding on a dark alley in an elaborate fabric vending machine costumes, designed by experimental fashion designer, Aya Tuskioka.
Ms. Tsukioka lifted a flap on her skirt to reveal a large sheet of cloth printed in bright red with a soft drink logo partly visible. By holding the sheet open and stepping to the side of the road, she showed how a woman walking alone could elude pursuers — by disguising herself as a vending machine...These elaborate defenses are coming at a time when crime rates are actually declining in Japan. But the Japanese, sensitive to the slightest signs of social fraying, say they feel growing anxiety about safety, fanned by sensationalist news media. Instead of pepper spray, though, they are devising a variety of novel solutions, some high-tech, others quirky, but all reflecting a peculiarly Japanese sensibility.[from NY Times]
Posted by Cakehead at 06:36 AM | Comments (0)
October 17, 2007
Military Industrial Food Complex: This is not a US Soldiers Holding a Bakesale
We wish this was a picture of soldiers at a bake sale raising money for George Bush's war. Based on this Wall Street Journal article, it's more likely that these soldiers are serving up very expensive slices of pie at the expense of taxpayers.
Prominent American food companies are under scrutiny in a federal probe of possible fraud and corruption in the military's food-supply operations for the Iraq war...The inquiry is focused on whether the food companies set excessively high prices when they sold their goods to the Army's primary food contractor for the war zone, a Kuwaiti firm called Public Warehousing Co. A related question is whether Public Warehousing improperly pocketed for itself refunds it received from these suppliers. Public Warehousing bought vast amounts of meat, vegetables and bakery items from the food companies, and delivered them to U.S. troops.[from the Wall Street Journal]
Posted by Cakehead at 04:59 PM | Comments (0)
October 03, 2007
Winner of Science and Engineering Visualization Challenge makes boogers look almost good enough to eat
Alright. It's not actually boogers you're looking at. But it is a computed tomography (CT) view up the nose of a 33-year-old Chinese woman being examined for thyroid disease. The image was created by Kai-hung Fung of Pamela Youde Nethersole Eastern Hospital, who is one of two, first place winners in the photograph category of the National Science Foundation's Science & Engineering Visualization Challenge.
Fung is not the only winner who has created yummy results. This is just another reminder that science is not only fun, but tasty.
[from boingboing.net ]
Posted by Cakehead at 12:14 AM | Comments (2)
October 01, 2007
Pack your last supper in the Last Supper Lunch Box
photo of lunchbox from Just a Girl With a Camera
A little carrying case for the blood and body of Christ. Buy it at Amazon for a mere $9.95.
[via Digg]
Posted by Cakehead at 02:48 PM | Comments (0)
September 13, 2007
Bestiality Restaurant Hams it Up
[photo from Lastsicko]
At a members-only restaurant in the Tokyo entertainment district Roppongi, having pork prepared "your way" also means having your way with the pork. According to The Mainichi Daily News, wealthy customers can engage in the forbidden practice of sleeping with dinner.
Once the customer feels prepared, they will be presented with beast of their choice. In the lawyer's case, it was a sow. "I'd been told what to expect, but when I actually saw what was happening, it was as shocking as you'd imagine it to be," M tells Jitsuwa Knuckles. "Later, the lawyer told me the appeal of the place just came about because when people have got money and done everything else, they turn toward bestiality."Once the lawyer had finished porking the pig, the couple returned to the first floor and sat at a table to dine. M says she was totally shocked when staff members carried in roast pork -- made of the same sow the lawyer had earlier been with.
"I was about to vomit," M says. "It was the same pig that had been squealing just moments before. Now, it had been roasted whole. I managed to avoid eating it by only having salad."
Incidentally, prices range from 200,000 yen to 500,000 yen for a chicken, dogs cost somewhere between 300,000 yen and 800,000 yen, while pigs and goats start at around 800,000 yen. Charges are higher depending on whether the creature is female and how active it is.
[from InventorSpot via Digg.com]
Posted by Cakehead at 12:33 AM | Comments (18)
August 28, 2007
Chocolate Twisting: Yoga Gets Chocolatized
We're having a very difficult time imagining yogis in India endorsing the trend of "Chocolate Yoga." But in the west, yoga dipped in chocolate seems to be gaining popularity. We're just wondering if you can find the same inner peace and clarity if you eliminate the yoga and just eat the chocolate:
In Toronto, yoga instructor, Ron Obadia says, "If Yoga is union with the infinite, Chocolate Yoga is the alchemy of this cosmic communion. Chocolate yoga pours the sap of samadhi into the sacred and the secular. Nourishing every limb of one's tree of life...Chocolate Yoga sparks clarity, ignites neurotransmitters of cerebral sensory synchronicity and molecules of joy. Stretch. Go into it, find out."
And in California, instructor David Romanelli has introduced chocolate eating into his yoga classes.
He has teamed up with Vosges Chocolate, a high-end confectionery company, to offer yoga-and-chocolate seminars that begin and end with a truffle. Much like traditional yoga practices, he uses the sweet to make participants more aware of their senses, asking them to savor each bite and its distinct taste. "When people first hear about it, they think it's just a gimmick," says Romanelli, who has been offering the classes since early 2005. "But when you taste the chocolate and feel the yoga, you get the message."
[From MSNBC]
Posted by Cakehead at 01:59 PM | Comments (0)
August 23, 2007
More Evidence that the Terrorists are Winning
Where have all the donuts gone? [donut art from GenreCookShop]
At the Putnam County Senior Center in New York, seniors are confronted with a major erosion of their freedom -- the freedom to eat free donuts.
Doughnut maker Steve Battista, who with his brother operate several Dunkin' Donuts in Putnam and Danbury, Conn., said they sometimes gave out day-old goods to nonprofit groups as a way to avoid waste and be community-minded.... When William Huestis, executive director of Putnam County's Office for the Aging, sent a memo to the senior nutrition centers in Carmel, Mahopac, Putnam Valley and Cold Spring that the practice of accepting free, day-old pies, cakes, doughnuts and other baked goods had to stop.Huestis said distributing the sweets ran afoul of federal food programs set up to make sure the elderly had healthy meals and were not socially isolated. He also questioned the cleanliness of the foods that were not collected by county staffers or cooked in county kitchens.
[from The Journal News]
The seniors took matters into their own hands by collecting 250 signatures on a petition protesting the doughnut ban.
Posted by Cakehead at 03:25 PM | Comments (0)
June 29, 2007
Hipsters Get All Muscular...or at least they're trying
There is still no shortage of skinny boys in tight, tapered pants on the Brooklyn L-train. But we've noticed a small, but rapidly growing new trend on the train that shuttles hipsters en mass between Brooklyn and Manhattan. It seems that a increasing contingent of skinny boys are looking to bulk up. Three days in a row we've spotted multiple boy waifs sipping the banana cream flavor of Muscle Milk. Some gulped their drink down openly. But most preferred to keep their body goals a secret by shrouding the beverage behind the thin deli bag veil. We wish them luck, but the girth of their wrists and waistline suggest that they're more in need of a healthy steroid injection than little sips of Muscle Milk.
If you're looking to bulk up and are willing to sample the product, let us know what you think. According to Cytosport who makes the drink there are "7 Killer Flavors - Banana Creme, Chocolate Milk, Chocolate Mint Chip, Cookies 'n Creme, Mocha Joe, Root Beer Float, Vanilla Creme." And good luck to you!
(In no way are we endorsing this product since taste tests and reviews compare the flavor to that of musky banana sweat).
Posted by Cakehead at 07:27 PM | Comments (0)
June 05, 2007
Jesus Wouldn't Eat Your Pop Tarts Because He's on a Diet
What is the most commonly stolen item? We're sure that food and beverage from workplace refrigerators is #1. Here's one of our favorite series of passive aggressive signs posted on the hilarious site passive-aggressive notes from roommates, neighbors, coworkers and strangers. Now we'll think twice before we steal that Diet Coke that's been sitting in the fridge in the break room for 2 months. But wait. Maybe Jesus didn't the steal Pop Tarts because he's on a diet. He'd fully endorse the theft of that Diet Coke.
[via buzzfeed]
Posted by Cakehead at 03:15 AM | Comments (0)
June 01, 2007
Party Theme Idea Inspired by Nicole Richie
invitation to Nicole Richie's anorexia party
There is no question, no one from the cakehead staff was invited to Nicole Richie's anorexia extravaganza. We all weigh too much. But the party did give us an idea for our next party theme. Ours will be co-ed. The only folks allowed will be women who are over 250 pounds and men who are under 100 pounds. Waify boys and Husky gals. It will be the Basking in Bad Body Image Barbecue. The party will be fully equipped with a bounce house, miniature pony rides for the boys, and cakes, pies and turkey drumsticks for the ladies.
Food spread at the Bad Body Image Barbecue
Posted by Cakehead at 04:06 AM | Comments (2)
May 24, 2007
Welcome Wagon Presents Nibble-Free Chocolate Breast
Yesterday, the U.K.'s Guardian newspaper and Observer magazine launched their very own food blog, Word of Mouth. To welcome them to the blogosphere, we present them with a chocolate breast, made by their British compatriot, Prudence Emma Staite, a contemporary artist that "works primarily with food substances" and runs the Food is Art website.
She believes that food itself is art and that art should be interactive...Thus eating becomes performative, but also problematic. The desirability of the encounter Prudence contructs for viewers is questionable: who is watching? Who else has touched, tasted or nibbled?
To the writers of Word of Mouth, we hope you have many opportunities to have truly "performative" eating experiences that are never "problematic." Don't worry, this is a virgin chocolate breast. It's never been touched, tasted or nibbled.
Posted by Cakehead at 03:19 AM | Comments (1)
April 04, 2007
Me So Corny
With Passover in full swing, there's always the danger of overdosing on Matzo. And while you do have to abandon all those dishes made with corn and corn syrup for a few more days, if you live in certain Metropolitan areas with a large Jewish population, you won't have to give up your Coca Cola.
For the few weeks surrounding Passover, Coke makes a version of their drink with real sugar rather than corn syrup. According to Jewish law, the stuff's leagal. Drink up!
[via Off the Broiler]
Posted by Cakehead at 01:13 PM | Comments (0)
March 30, 2007
Would a Swiss Cheese Jesus be more holy?
"My Sweet Lord," a chocolate statue by artist Cosimo Cavallaro
The Catholic Church is at it again. They have pressured the Manhattan-based Roger Smith Hotel to cancel an exhibit in their Lab Gallery featuring a six foot, anatomically correct crucified chocolate Jesus. Frankly, we're still more up in arms about the dirty business about pedophilia in the Church than we are about some ban on chocolate. But this is allegedly a food blog so we have to cover this stuff.
Did the hotel really think business was going to suffer if they left the art up? Manhattan is the devil's playground, after all.
Posted by Cakehead at 07:11 PM | Comments (1)
March 29, 2007
Has Friendly's Stepped Over the Line?
On a recent trip to upstate New York we spotted this sign advertising more than ice cream for dessert. Has our favorite roadside restaurant decided to beat Hooters at its own game with extra "Friendly" service? Or maybe the yo-yoing stocks have stockholders pressuring franchise managers to out-perform the competition by offering something special. Looks like the managers misunderstood the directions.
Friendly's didn't need to resort to the flesh trade to lure us in as customers. They had won us over with those cute "cone head" clown sundaes. We never asked for a second course of dessert.
Posted by Cakehead at 12:12 PM | Comments (0)
March 02, 2007
Killing for Cakes
The site of the crime
Devotees of The Darwin Awards, will enjoy UnEvolved.net. It's a site dedicated to reporting on newsworthy events that will speed "the path to human extinction."
A stabbing brawl at G&M Restaurant in Linthicum Heights, Maryland over some of the country's best crab cakes is just a reminder of our fundamental drive as humans to survive and prevent starvation. Survival was on the line, right?
In the end, neither Jeffrey Rites nor Keith Anthony Rantin Jr. got any of G & M Restaurant and Lounge's famous crab cakes for lunch....What was at stake was who would eat first. So coveted are G & M's crab cakes that not only do lines of hungry devotees stretch out the door, but the delicacies can be ordered online and shipped overnight anywhere in the country.Assistant State's Attorney Michael Dunty maintains that Rites, 39, of Violetville, responded before Rantin, 31, a Reisterstown barber and home rehabber, when the "who's next?" call went out at lunchtime March 28.
Asserting that Rites was not next, Rantin began arguing, and the confrontation went from words to shoving to the stabbing, the prosecutor said.
Posted by Cakehead at 01:18 PM | Comments (1)
February 27, 2007
Duck, Duck, Goose: Taking the Taboo of Fois Gras to the Next Level
How would you like to be force-fed Hardee's Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuit?
Occasionally, too much good food and drink with friends can lead to the most inappropriate of conversations. When it comes to food what can be any more offensive than talk of cannibalism?
At Kasadela, our favorite little restaurant serving izakaya deliciousness, conversation turned to the imminent outlawing of fois gras. With cities like Chicago and Los Angeles passing ordinances to ban fois gras by the year 2012, restaurateurs are holding Outlaw Dinners in protest. We debated the ethics of the practice and discussed what it means for artisanal farmers and restaurants when the ban is in place.
But given our overstuffed state, the discussion took a disturbing, yet empathetic turn. What would it be like to be force-fed? If we were in that compromising situation we all agreed, we'd at least like a say in what we were force-fed.
If your liver were going to be served as fois gras, what one food would you want to be force-fed? These are our friends answers:
Olive Oil Coppetta from Otto Pizzeria
Kasadela's Tebaya (EV classy izakaya with the stickiest, gooey-est and most delicious chicken wings)
Hardee's Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuit
Duck Fois Gras (think a pate-like Turducken)
If you were going to eat human pate, what food would you want your victim to be force-fed? These are our friends answers:
Roasted Chestnuts
Rosemary
Blueberries
Oranges
Posted by Cakehead at 12:56 PM | Comments (3)
February 26, 2007
Will there be pizza in purgatory?
Hell is a pizza delivery service in New Zealand. They're responsible for the billboard reminder that Bush's saintly qualities will keep him out of hell. But that doesn't mean Bush hasn't created pockets of hell on earth.
If you're in New Zealand, choose from pizzas with references to the seven deadly sins and the afterlife like the Limbo, Pandemonium and Greed. Ironically, the pizza names also sound like references to the situations that the Bush administration has created around the globe.
[from National Business Review via Wonkette]
Posted by Cakehead at 01:41 PM | Comments (0)
February 22, 2007
What? Red Lobster Doesn't Buy Local Ingredients?
Sysco and the chef. Isn't it romantic?
Several years ago during a family vacation, we were sitting at the bar of our hotel eavesdropping on the conversations of the suited men that surrounded us. Turns out they were in town for a conference. Not a conference on food but on food products. The men discussed packing, distribution and sales techniques as they ate the turtle soup that was the hotel's specialty. There was no mention of taste, texture or the source of the food "products" they were hocking. Why would there be? This was hardly a conference for local organic farmers who hand wash their cheese rinds or pick leaves of baby lettuce each day. Fascinated by the massiveness of the food distribution network, we hoped to gain a little insight into how the business works.
So we tried to crash the conference as a spy. But without a badge, proper attire or that upbeat sales attitude, we couldn't convince the guard that were supposed to be in attendance.
Now, Slate has confirmed what we suspected in an article about "How Sysco Came to Monopolize Most of What You Eat." It's not just the major restaurant chains who are getting pre-prepared food for the kitchens.
It comes as little surprise that institutions like hospitals, universities, and military bases flock to Sysco's pre-cooked foods. But well-regarded bistros and pubs have also begun to offer such items to save time and money. Recently, New York magazine reported that Thomas Keller uses frozen Sysco fries at his Bouchon bistros. (While a company spokeswoman wouldn't confirm the brand, she confirmed the use of frozen fries.) Mickey Mantle's Restaurant, an upscale sports bar, serves Sysco's pre-made soups, like Manhattan clam chowder and vegetarian black bean. And then there's Edgar's restaurant at Belhurst Castle, which has won numerous awards of excellence from Wine Spectator magazine. There, the kitchen takes Sysco's Imperial Towering Chocolate Cake out of the box, lets it defrost, and then sprinkles it with fresh raspberries before serving it to diners. "We've had a lot of success with that cake," executive chef Casey Belile says. The Edgar's menu, of course, does not list the dessert as a Sysco pre-made cake, but it does charge $8.95 for the experience.
Posted by Cakehead at 12:46 PM | Comments (0)
February 12, 2007
Violating Food: Melon Balls & Salted Snails
Making Melon Eyes
We've seen a lot of food violations this week.
First there were the liver and melons. When the Parent's Television Council awarded Two and a Half Men with the Worst TV Show of the Week Award we weren't going to protest despite never having seen the show. We assumed it was for obvious reasons, like it's just a bad show. But then we did a little research and discovered it was because the episode which aired on January 22, 2007 "contained dialog about bestiality and having sex with vegetables."
We were intrigued. Here's a sample of the dialogue in question:
Charlie: "Huh, more awkward then when you were a kid and had to explain to Mom why you were hiding a slab of raw liver in your sock drawer?"
Alan: "Okay the second most awkward."
Charlie: "What about when she found the warm cantaloupe with the face drawn on it."
Somehow liver translates to bestiality and melons are now considered a vegetable?
We're always amazed with the ingenuity of boys. But turns out this isn't a culture limited to teenage boys. Advertisers for Nike now engage in melon violation to promote their golf ball sales:
Read more about melon shagging here.
[via WFMU]
And if you've stumbled to this site just looking for good clean fun with melons, click here.
Then there were the snails. In Cripsin Glover's current film project, What Is It? audiences watch a protagonist whose principle interests are snails, salt, a pipe, and how to get home. When the salt is poured on the snails and they shrivel into their shells we felt our hearts shrivel dry watching the torture. We even came close to ending our hunt for perfect escargot. But in his live presentation that lasted over an hour, Crispin talked about his desire as a filmmaker to create a film that doesn't provide commentary on what is good and evil. We had to forgive him for the snail killings. We're so tired of the studios stuffing good versus evil down our throats without allowing any room for ambiguity or motivations for committing evil. Then he said his only regret in making the film was that the snails were harmed. We had to love him even more.
Watch the salting of the snails in the What Is It? trailer.
Posted by Cakehead at 02:08 AM | Comments (0)
July 12, 2006
Sweatin' to the Old Testament
We at Cakehead have tried to pray away our love handles and superfluous booty, but somehow our attempts have failed. Jesus just keeps leading us into cake temptation. But now we're convinced that maybe our failure was a result of our insincere intent. We're not true believers adhering to true Christian diets.
Obviously, the true believers have had more success than we have. If you get a book deal it must work, right? EvangelicalRight.com turned us on to an article about Christian diets, in the LA Times. Here are some of our favorite Christian diet titles:
"Slim for Him," "Help Lord — The Devil Wants Me Fat!" "More of Jesus, Less of Me" "Body by God" and "What Would Jesus Eat?"
We've given our cakehead sermons about gluttony being a sin for years (think trough-like buffet spreads). It seems that the Christians are finally getting around to realizing their blasphamous ways.
Another conflict is that the church's attitude toward eating is not consistently one of moderation and temperance. Abundant food is a prominent feature of Christmas and Easter celebrations. And most Christians are familiar with post-sermon coffee-and-doughnut hours, church-sponsored potlucks and horn-o-plenty picnics and luncheons. Food, in fact, is a sort of rare vice for many Christians."The Bible teaches us Christians shouldn't drink in excess, they shouldn't go out and party, they shouldn't commit fornication and adultery, and they shouldn't smoke," Colbert says. "But by golly, they're going to eat anything they want to."
Yet adherents of faith-based diets argue that a fit, healthy body is the best tool with which to do God's work on earth.
Here's an inspirational quote for those of you trying to burn away the love handles:
Corinthians 9:24: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it."
Posted by Cakehead at 04:39 AM | Comments (1)
June 25, 2006
Jesus on Jesus Baking Action
If bread represents the body of Christ, does bread baked in a Jesus-shaped baking pan respresent Jesus with skin grafts? Now you can order the Jesus Pan and "Put the Image of Jesus RIGHT ON FOOD!" (The all-caps and exclamation point are theirs, not ours.)
What a great new way to prove your love for Christ by cluttering your already cramped cupboards with yet another As Seen on TV sales offer. Jesus would sure be proud of their convincing pitch:
JesusPan is made from durable steel and topped with a non-stick coating....Holy images have been popping up all over... A grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary sold for over 17-hundred dollars on Ebay.
They make the $29.95 price tag on the pans seem like a steal compared to the grilled cheese Mary, which, to get technical, is really just a slab of cheese sandwiched between two slices of Jesus, imprinted with Mary.
You too can bake Jesus on Jesus loaves and "Worship at every meal with the Jesus pan."
[Jesus Pan tip from Expired Foods]
Posted by Cakehead at 08:16 AM | Comments (0)
April 28, 2006
NYSE Dining Club Closes
It's sad day in the world of exclusive private dining clubs. The New York Stock Exchange's Dining Club is closing its doors for good. The reason given? The same reason we're in Iraq: Enriched uranium was found in the kitchen. We're just kidding. It's because of 9/11, silly:
The club said "enhanced security and reduced access after 9/11" led to losses of "both money and membership."
[NY Post via Dealbreaker.com]
Posted by Cakehead at 07:52 PM | Comments (1)
April 18, 2006
If Christ can rise...so can your souffle
So we slept through all the praise worship services on Easter Sunday. We've had some lapses in our leavened product eating during Passover. But it's not too late to celebrate Christ's rising up and since Passover isn't officially over until tomorrow, we figured we make a dish that's not chometz (as long as you take the proper steps to expunge and clean). And what better way to celebrate than with a souffle that's all risen up like the lord: Betty Bowers' The Passion Fruit of the Christ Easter Soufflé. This flourless delight will prompt tears to flow from stone Virgin Marys and blood to drip from the palms of bronze-cast Christs. Jews, well, you'll just be glad to eat something that is leavened but without breaking the rules.
[From Betty Bowers]
Posted by Cakehead at 01:54 PM | Comments (0)
February 01, 2006
Friend of the Devil's Food Cake
Via Boing Boing
Some are calling him a vampire, others are calling him a Satanist. But the big story is, whatever his religious convictions, Jonathan "The Impaler' Sharkey is running for governor in Minnesota. From the good state that brought us pro wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura, we expect nothing less.
This week’s Cake of the Week Award comes in Devil’s Food flavor. And we present it not only to the gentleman running on the Satanist ticket, but to all the good citizens of Minnesota. May you eat Devil’s Food Cake to eternity.
Posted by Cakehead at 03:31 PM | Comments (0)
January 20, 2006
Ratings Cake of the Week
So the "family-friendly" folks at ABC are SO smart that we decided to give them the cake of the week award. Those pesky Christians can't stop them from keeping their ratings high. ABC's too smart for that.
Ten days before "Welcome to the Neighborhood," a new reality show where gay couples compete to win a McMansion in a suburban cul-de-sac, was scheduled to air, ABC pulled the show from their programming.
Before the program was pulled there was of course the threat of that thing the Christians do best: a boycott. As we all know, Christians are easily influenced and wouldn't stand a chance of remaining straight if a program about a gay couple were to broadcast. ABC has wisely decided that they're would not put Christians in that awkward situation. And they certainly were not going to allow their business to fail just because a few Christians are scared. Now that's a business model that companies could really learn from.
You may have thought that you were immune to the Christian strong arming and brainwashing. Oh, you say, I'm too smart to succomb to their tricks. You can't fire and brimestone me into changing my ways. Well, if they can fire and brimestoned ABC, the second-ranked network in the nation, then they may be coming after you next. You may be strong, but these days there's no match for the strength the homophobic Jesus. Bird flu, schmerd flu. This is the pandemic to immunize yourself against. We recommend constructing a long trough and filling it with butter beans and macaroni and cheese wiz. If the thumpers have access to an all-you-can eat situation, maybe they won't come after you. Here are some favorite Christian dishes to include in your buffet to ward of the Christian spirits.
An alternative to the trough solution is a photo albums filled with pictures from a heterosexual wedding. Christians love this. Click here for a full photo kit to ward off the Jesus filled zombies.
Posted by Cakehead at 12:41 AM | Comments (0)
August 25, 2005
Carving Butter into Jesus
Jesus, all buttered up
There are times when the only appropriate response is "Jesus Christ." This is one of those instances. Sculpting butter into Jesus and his disciples? Some people have too much time and butter on their hands.
Posted by Cakehead at 01:32 PM | Comments (4)
August 17, 2005
Right Wing Stew
FreeWilliamsburg.com 's entry about right wing crackpots has inspired us with a recipe idea. With all the right-wing crackpots running around Crawford, TX we're recommending that tonight's dinner be crackpot stew.
The recipe is simple. First, purchase a havahart trap. Bait the trap with white crosses labeled with the names of men and women who have died in Iraq in Georgie's war. Before you know it angry non-thinking wingnut zombies will emerge and their delicious fresh meat will be trapped for your stew. Unfortunately, we didn't capture Larry Northern, before he was arrested for his criminal mischief in Crawford, TX. Here's why he would make a delicious crackpot stew ingredient.
From FreeWilliamsburg.com
A pickup truck ran over wooden crosses erected at anti-war protester Cindy Sheehan's campsite on Monday night, in the latest sign of tension over the peace vigil outside vacationing President George W. Bush's Texas ranch.....The small, white wooden crosses erected at the site are hand-painted with the names of soldiers killed in Iraq.
We suggest that after the crackpot meat has been captured, you hire a professional butcher to carve up the meat. With the meat, follow your favorite stew recipe. Any old recipe will work. The secret is to find the biggest crackpot available. The bigger the crackiness, the better the stew
Posted by Cakehead at 04:56 AM | Comments (0)
August 12, 2005
Proud to be an American
This video by Portland, OR-based advertising company BPN Inc. is direct evidence of all the American treasures we have in this country.
Click the image to view the ad for Summer Rooftop Ruckus. Unfortunately for all you Portland-based cakeheaders, the ruckus was last week.
Now we're going to fire up our barbeque smoker and cook ourselves some squirrel.
Posted by Cakehead at 11:52 PM | Comments (1)
August 04, 2005
A saliva cloud casts a shadow on the sport of football
So there's another case of a football coach licking the wounds of his players. Of course the mainstream media has to act like there's something wacky about that. We don't call them mainstream for nothing. I mean, come on. As soon as a community leader steps out of what is deemed to be mainstream bounds (to unabashedly use a sports metaphor) the reporters step in and begin the proverbial lynching.
[From San Francisco Chronicle]:
A state board voted to publicly reprimand a Central Linn High School teacher and football coach for licking the bleeding wounds of several student athletes....Reed must attend a class on the risks of blood-borne pathogens within the next two months and furnish the commission with written verification of his attendance....It was not clear why he licked the wounds. The Linn County Sheriff's Office investigated the case last year. No charges were filed. Sheriff Dave Burright called the behavior "bizarre" but not criminal, since the contact wasn't forced. Two students who reported licking incidents and another who witnessed an incident said it seemed that Reed was "just joking around."
We at cakehead like to keep an open mind and embrace all forms of sipping, slurping and chewing - even if it involves human flesh. We understand why he did it. It's hot. He was thirsty. The bloody wounds, a logical thirst quencher.
Of course we are glad the community intervened to advise the coach about the health risks involved with this quirky hobby. Hopefully, from now on he'll cauterize the wounds before licking. But did the poor man need to lose his job for two years? The next thing you know wound licking is going to be criminalized and deemed a Freedom Hater's sport by the Bush Administration.
Posted by Cakehead at 11:13 PM | Comments (0)
July 26, 2005
From the world of Rude Food
Anis kockens is merely the tip of the iceberg in the world of Rude Food
Thanks to milkandcookies.com for pointing us to the best site for Rude Food. You will find an extensive listing of dirty dirty food.
Name: Anis Kockens
Kockens Anis
Bought in: Sweden
I wasn't sure whether this should be categorised under Anis or Kockens. In the end I decided to 'go with the anis', by which unfortunate term I mean to convey nothing more than that I didn't have anything else beginning with 'a'. The 'ens' suffix on Kockens makes it the definite article, so it should be read roughly as 'arse the cock' or 'the cock arse'. Treat yourself to a partial translation and things don't get any better - you're left with either 'arse the chefs', or 'the chef's anus'.In truth, of course, anis means aniseed, but I'm happy to gloss over that if you are.
Other favorites from the site are:
Name: Çemen
Bought in: England
Origin: Turkey
Longbones picked this up in a Turkish delicatessen just around the corner. It appears to be a Turkish food imported to England from a German manufacturer. Its nature is still alien to me; the label translates roughly from German as Turkish condiment, whilst the ingredients merely proclaim the presence of 'spices', salt, preservative and colouring. My own experience suggests there is a fair bit of paprika in there, and maybe some chilli, but apart from that all I can say is it is a fairly bitter red paste which I can find little use for. Longbones says he thinks you are supposed to dip your sausage into Çemen, but that doesn't sound like a passtime I'd encourage. UPDATE: Peter tells me that the label actually translates as 'Turkish spice mixture'.
Vergina
Bought in: Greece
Macedonian it says on the tin, but Greek it is, as the Komotini address testifies. Woody found this whilst on holiday. 'It does have an inviting taste,' he advises, but goes on to caution that the phrase 'you are what you drink' sprang to his mind.
I've never had the pleasure of supping on a Vergina, but I'm sure it would be best served in a furry cup. I'll get onto my Greek agent and see if he can fetch me a can when he returns after Christmas; if so, I'll give you an appraisal.
Right, down to business. Vergina is most likely not intended as a cheeky genital mis-spelling, but is almost certainly named after the ancient Macedonian town of Vergina, believed to have formerly been the capital Aigai, and home to the Tomb of Persephone.
Name: Bum Bum
Bought in: France
I've got a shite joke forming which involves Gaytime and Bum Bum, but I'm going to try and write something else quickly before it gets fully formed. Paul and Jane took great trouble to track this down on a recent holiday, and I've just had an email offering the possibility of a stawberry flavour version from Germany (the homeland of Bum Bum). But banana, as everyone knows, is the rudest of the fruits. Unless you count cucumbers, which cannot be disqualified on technical grounds.Specs? It's an ice cream lolly with a stick of chewing gum in the middle - sheer marketing genius.
Anyway, if you don't fancy a whole Gaytime to yourself, perhaps you'd care to share my Bum Bum? (oops - sorry)
Posted by Cakehead at 09:22 PM | Comments (0)
June 30, 2005
These Cakes that Don't Run
It's the 4th of July week - one of those times of year when food writers get a lazy. Instead of finding a story to write about that is compelling or might inspire some delicious cooking, they throw in the towel and pretend to teach how to prepare a dish that will really only impress the equally obsessed: weather forecasters and busy-body housewives.
When an article begins by saying, "this dish can be showpieced on your 4th of July table and taste great at the same time," you know the dessert will look tacky and will taste like Styrofoam.
But if you want to shout out to all those naysayers, your doubting neighbors, those Red Staters, that you still love this country (despite the elected leadership) bake the Uncle Sam Cake. There will be no question of your stance with this cake as your centerpiece. Don't forget bigger the cake the greater your patriotism.
These gals must be really patriotic
All patriotic cakes' ingredients are the same. After doing extensive research we found that all recipes required only two ingredients (if you don't count the three shades of food coloring - coloring that you can bet does not run). The ingredients? A box of moist yellow-cake mix and vanilla frosting (from a can). Now what says patriotism faster or more convincingly than boxed cake and canned frosting? You ask what it means to live free? The answer is complex, but it begins with pre-prepared food. Food that frees you from your shackles of the kitchen to pursue acts that a free person would, being that he/she lives in the freest of nations.
We're just looking forward to the fall holidays. Our favorite is Thanksgiving, a time when "creative" types get so lost in their inventiveness that they forget that the turkey entree they're preparing really should not have some semblance to the bird's live incarnation. We feel like this is wrong. The bird is dead so it does not care. But we care.
It's a dead roasted chicken, garnished to look like a live Cabaret chicken
Okay. We've lost that patriotic buzz...and our appetite.
Posted by Cakehead at 04:35 AM | Comments (5)
June 25, 2005
The Body of Christ: It's What's for Dinner
Christians know how to eat. After all, it's the church ladies who are responsible for the ubiquitous spiral-bound cookbooks filled with meatloaf and pecan pie recipes for their potluck revival picnics.
When I learned that Reverend Billy Graham had scheduled his final farewell crusade at Corona Park in Queens, I wanted to try out my theory that you don't have to convert to eat like a Christian. I rounded up a team of hungry friends and we set out, hoping to stuff our bellies with some holy grub and participate in this pop culture phenomenon.
Exiting the 7-train, we were quickly absorbed into the slow crawl of crusade goers. I was determined to keep an open mind, even though dolls dripping with red food coloring were being waved in my face. I squinted, hoping to spot a table displaying the food options before I lost my appetite.
The way to my heart, mind and spirit is through my stomach. The only way the Christians stood a chance at converting me was if they presented me with the sublimest of tastings. The stakes were high.
Really the mission was doomed from the start. Between the crowds, the bottlenecking and bombardment of guilt-inducing request to hand over money for starving children in Africa (children who would have to sell their souls to Jesus as the condition for getting a meal), it wasn't long before it became evident this was not the place to be for good Christian eating. While they may be feeding kids in Africa, feeding us was not the priority here.
The food offerings were limited. We could only hope that Jesus would make a guest appearance to turn the limited food supply into larger quantities. And the little food available, proved to be vastly disappointing if not outright embarrassing.
There was foil-wrapped corn on the cob. The kernels were a Dayglo yellow - the first indication that they would be starchy without the necessary sweetness. With a hearty layer of carbon coating on the foil it looked like the corn had been cooking since the days when Jesus actually walked the earth.
When I spotted the pigs-in-a-blanket vendor, relief set in, until I got closer to investigate. As if in reaction to the hot summer weather, the blankets on the pigs were seasonably thin - more like a light tempura coating than a doughy ring. And the pigs themselves were as pale as the old-timer Christians' bald heads -- the white guys who seemed shocked and confused when the Latino Christian Rock kicked in. Despite its limited appeal, the line looped and turned for blocks. We waited for a half an hour and were still not even close to the lightly blanketed pigs. We passed the time watching a white Christian hip hop youth group as they bounced and jumped in synchronicity.
Not wanting to miss Billy's sermon or the alter call, we gave up on the pig line and found a potato chip stand with no line. With hunger grumbling like the devil in our bellies, we bought 10 bags - five sour cream and onion and five barbeque. At a mere $.50 a bag, the chips were a steal. Actually, all the food was surprisingly cheap. It must have been subsidized by all the "offerings" they kept collecting.
The police barricades set up to herd us in and out of the performance areas were elaborate. But despite the heightened security and the bag search, my little bottle of whiskey went unnoticed.
Unlike some unlucky souls who were forced to watch the crusade on big screens in satellite areas, we in the midst of Billy's actual presence. He might have been able to save my soul had he been close enough to lay hands on me. But alas, he was only a figure in the distance. We were so far removed from the legend himself that we were forced to watch him on the big screen too.
Apparently, big screens can save as well as Billy. During the alter call Billy proclaimed, "if you are open to making Jesus your personal Savior, come forward towards me." Then he presented instructions for those in the satellite zones. "If you are in one of the satellite sections walk towards the television screen." The idea of these hungry Christians walking towards a TV screen for salvation seemed like great material for a zombie movie: Ravenous Christian zombies storming towards the television screen, eating any flesh in their path.
While I'm relieved to report that none of my friends were saved that night, the food was a huge disappointment. Perhaps if I had actually felt the Holy Spirit moving through my taste buds, I would have given in and declared myself saved. But as always, the devil is in the detail and where the crusaders went wrong was the important detail of serving up good food.
In any case, it was nice to break from the usual Friday night routine of gluttony and sin. And the delicious Indian feast we ate in Jackson Heights, Queens warmed our hearts and bellies in a way that Reverend Billy wasn't able to do.
Posted by Cakehead at 04:51 PM | Comments (3)
June 23, 2005
Eat the Flag
With that pesky flag-burning ban amendment back on the table, the question begs to be asked, if the amendment passes will we still be allowed to eat the flag?
Jon Stewart and a handful of liberal and quasi-liberal do-gooders did at a fundraiser for Partnership for Public Service. [From Transom]:
"This is a night for celebrating freedom," boomed Jon Stewart from the stage of the Waldorf Astoria’s ballroom. "The freedom to honor each other at gala dinners. That"—he paused—"is what we fight for." Attendees at the Participation for Public Service Annual Gala also fought for "American Parfaits"—pretty little Neapolitan ice-cream combos, whose luscious white-chocolate American flags were scarfed down with pride.
They may have to quit their desecratin' if the flag bill passes.
And in other Government and God news: Now that Christians have their own version of an Ivy League University and are in training to Christify government jobs, we're especially glad that an organization like Partnership for Public Service is out there for those of us who want to keep the sinners and heathens in office. According to Hanna Rosin's excellent article in the New Yorker, "God and Country," Patrick Henry College is sending roughly the same number of Evangelical Christians to internships on the Hill as Georgetown University. Liberals, it's time to get cracking.
Posted by Cakehead at 01:50 PM | Comments (0)
June 19, 2005
Christians aren't eating cake...the end must really be near
Christians have stopped eating Kraft Food cake and Procter and Gamble potato chips. No, they are not on a collective diet - which God hath decreed.
They are on a boycott. It's hard to believe they aren't eating, but they think by fasting they can stop our friends the gays from being gay - or at least stop representation of gay characters on television.
Expect to see the Christian lemmings - followers of Rev. Donald Wildmon's American Family Association (AFA)-slimming down.
In just the past year and a half, AFA protests and boycotts -- or even the simple threat of boycotts -- have been enough to make a host of American companies pull their ads from TV shows the Christian right considers pro-gay or salacious. "Desperate Housewives" has lost ads from Safeway, Tyson Foods, Liberty Mutual, Kohl's, Alberto Culver, Leapfrog and Lowe's after the AFA's One Million Dads campaign targeted the show's sponsors. "Life as We Know It" got the same AFA treatment -- and lost ads from McCormick, Lenscrafters, Radio Shack, Papa John's International, Chattem and Sharpie. [Read full article]
Tell the snack providers what you think of this move:
Kraft Foods
Procter & Gamble
Tyson Foods
Kraft Foods recipe for the golfing cake (pictured above)
Posted by Cakehead at 03:38 PM | Comments (2)
January 20, 2005
Isn't gluttony a sin? chronicles of an all-you-can eat excursion gone bad
At first I thought I had entered heaven. They don't call me cakehead for nothing. Within seconds after I had walked into the Smorgasbord complex -- a sprawling pre-fab warehouse surrounded by farmland and hillsides and filled with hundreds of stainless steel buffet islands on the inside -- the double-decker cart of cake wedges seemed to suck me in. Perfect slices sat glistening under the neon - chocolate, pumpkin cheesecake with a frosting-bag squirted flower, white cake cubes saturated with red - whether the flavor is strawberry, cherry or raspberry I do not know.
From a distance the supply seemed infinite. So I cannot explain the intense sense of urgency I felt to rush to the entree buffet lines. The goal: Eat dinner quick in the interest of expediting the dessert course. But as is the case with all temptation, by the time rational thinking resumes, the deed has been done. Consequences must be suffered.
The problem with all-you-can-eat spots, or I should say, one of the many problems with all-you-can-eat spots is, inevitably one is driven by the desire to get her money's worth. I really like to eat. I regret that this premier entry will not be an opportunity for me to rave about the latest delectable that I've discovered and am craving and wishing I could stuff in my face. Instead, I will write about abstinence. Not the sort of abstinence in which the Bushes would hope you would engage. No. I'm talking about seeing the cherry pie or the clam strips piled high or the hush puppies looking all buttery and nice and saying, no. I will not fill my plate for the third time with the intention of continuing on to that pumpkin cheesecake I've been eyeing since I've entered.
Unfortunately, my decision to preach abstinence is based on personal experience of committing that lesser acknowledged sin of gluttony. Sure it's not as bad as coveting thy neighbor's husband. But gluttony leads to committing other deadly sins: sloth, greed, anger. So like all self-righteous believers, I say to you, if you engage in the gluttonous act of multiple trips to the buffet, know you will suffer the fiery heart burn of hell and it is likely when the Raputure comes, you too will end up far from God's kingdom.
So, if you want to eat the cakes that Jesus will serve you in heaven, repent now and abstain from those nasty buffets.
If that's not motivation enough consider this: according to The Picture Book of Devils, Demons and Witchcraft, by Ernst and Johanna Lehneras, as punishment for your gluttony, you will be forced to eat rats, toads, and snakes in hell.
Posted by Cakehead at 02:16 AM | Comments (12)
