Before the program was pulled there was of course the threat of that thing the Christians do best: a boycott. As we all know, Christians are easily influenced and wouldn't stand a chance of remaining straight if a program about a gay couple were to broadcast. ABC has wisely decided that they're would not put Christians in that awkward situation. And they certainly were not going to allow their business to fail just because a few Christians are scared. Now that's a business model that companies could really learn from.

You may have thought that you were immune to the Christian strong arming and brainwashing. Oh, you say, I'm too smart to succomb to their tricks. You can't fire and brimestone me into changing my ways. Well, if they can fire and brimestoned ABC, the second-ranked network in the nation, then they may be coming after you next. You may be strong, but these days there's no match for the strength the homophobic Jesus. Bird flu, schmerd flu. This is the pandemic to immunize yourself against. We recommend constructing a long trough and filling it with butter beans and macaroni and cheese wiz. If the thumpers have access to an all-you-can eat situation, maybe they won't come after you. Here are some favorite Christian dishes to include in your buffet to ward of the Christian spirits.

An alternative to the trough solution is a photo albums filled with pictures from a heterosexual wedding. Christians love this. Click here for a full photo kit to ward off the Jesus filled zombies.