Maybe it's because we are secretly jealous. We want our own cooking show on the Food Network. But being amateurs in the kitchen and failing miserably in the "make love to the studio camera" department, we know it would be a disaster. That said, we still feel entitled to critique the peppy personalities that teach us how to make food on tv. We love a good roasting of the people who roast best.

Check out the Republic of Dog's roast of the Food Network Chefs:

Bobby Flay is everything I hate about straight guys, all wadded up and compressed into one small and extremely annoying white man. He is such a fuck-tard, and I would pick a fight with him with a quickness. Also, all he does is grill. I am a native of Texas, so unless you’re like grilling yeti filet over heated moon rocks, you won’t impress me by grilling.